Royal Toilet Throne | |||||
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Product Description
Reign supreme on the porcelain throne with this beautifully crafted royal toilet that is fit for a king. With medieval luxury, this wooden royal toilet ... [Read more]
Top Reviews
Mrs Hudson recommends itby Straightforward (5 out of 5 stars)
April 1, 2011
"Watson!!!" bellowed Holmes, as his left hand felt around the side of his highly-polished mahogany, genuine version of the Herbeau DAGOBERT TOILET THRONE for the Charmin Ultra Soft, Mega Rolls, (Pack of 4) that usually resided there. It was the only sort of bog roll that his sensitive skin could tolerate. But where the plush, gently aromatic, velvety roll once lay, a blank and empty space remained.
He bit down hard on his favourite calabash and, through sheer strength of character and rock-hard will, forced himself to remain calm. He took a deep breath and continued.
"When last you used the lavatory...", he called downstairs. He waited for some sort of reply; for some sign that Watson's dog-like intellect was at least paying attention, but there was only silence; no confirmation had been issued from the good doctor that he had been listening. He may as well have been howling at the fog-blurred moon, for all the good it was doing him.
"Sometimes I despair at the state of what will inevitably become the health service in fifty years' time if people like him can follow the medical profession without getting stricken off" he muttered to himself, straightening his deerstalker hat as he admired his reflection in the mirror on the back of the toilet door as he did so. The jury was out, but he had the deciding vote - he might be getting on a bit, but he still cut a dash in the right outfit, he considered. And the wooden throne-like toilet that he sat on gave him a certain air of regality in the right light.
There was a hesitant knocking on the door, shaking the mirror and waking him from his reverie. It was Watson. Annoyingly he didn't wait to be invited in, but instead opened the door almost as soon as he had knocked.
"What was that?" he bumbled, angling his head through the small space he had made in the doorway.
"I'm on the toilet, Watson" said Holmes, his lips pursing involuntarily. He had made himself a promise that he wasn't going to lose his temper with Watson any more, but it was proving hard to keep. "Oh for heaven's sake - either come in or go out - don't hide behind the blasted door!".
Watson shuffled in sheepishly, keeping his focus firmly fixed on his feet.
"When last you used the lavatory", he said icily, "did you go for a number one, or a number two?". His voice was dangerously quiet.
Watson's face showed no inkling of where Holmes was going with his cross-examination. "Why do you ask, Holmes?" Watson enquired, his wide eyes innocent of the inevitable to follow. "Well... I remember it distinctly" he continued, "I evacuated my bowels at approximately twenty past the hour - is there some murderer to be found, depending uon my reply? What possible purpose could you have by knowing such a thing?" he started in wonder.
"When last you used the lavatory, you did a poo - didn't you?" Holmes said, his body ramrod straight as he felt the patina of the wood on his rear, "Didn't you?" he repeated.
"Astounding, Holmes - but how did you know...?" said Watson in wonder
"-you forgot to replace the effing toilet roll!!!" Holmes roared. He'd broken his promise again.
Fit for a King
by Kort (5 out of 5 stars)
March 31, 2011
Tired of vacating the royal audience hall every time nature calls? Now you can take care of business while sitting court with the Knights of the Round Bowl. The Herbeau Dagobert Wooden Toilet Throne is an efficient way to let petitioning nobles and peasants know what you REALLY think of them. Show them the true power behind the throne! Ring their bell with every flush! Trust me, it's a gas!
The Dag's 5+ foot tall regal bearing comes fully assembled. All one needs to do is attach a few pipes and you're good to go. Every lift of the seat sounds the opening strains of "Good King Dagobert". It's the perfect way to herald the royal elimination -- sing along with me:
"Le bon roi Dagobert, a mis sa culotte à l'envers.
Le grand Saint Eloi lui dit : "O mon Roi,
Votre majesté est mal culottée"
"C'est vrai, lui dit le roi, Je vais la remettre à l'endroit"..."
I digress, but it truly is a catchy ditty. A voice then goes on to recite the poem by Alfred de Musset inscribed upon the earthenware plaque mounted upon the seatback. The English translation goes something like this:
You who comes here in a humble posture
To unload the weight of your heavy abdomen
When you feel your body lighter
And have deposited in the urn a modest present
Please send in the pan a stream of pure water
And on this smoking jar place like a cork
The round cover with its perfect joint
To serve as a grave to the indiscreet perfumes
Knave and noble alike are humbled by this stately carved ash potty-throne. It sports not only a candle holder (to set that perfect medieval mood and to help clear the air) and an inset ashtray on the ash wood chair arm. I prefer to use mine to store a spare Merovingian tremissis or two. The only thing lacking is suitably deferential toilet-paper holding subject. Fortunately, this Sir Knight is available to handle the dispensing duties.
The Dagobert Toilet Throne would be a crowning achievement for those who take their sovereign bodily functions seriously. Over ten grand is a hefty tariff however, and those without a royal treasury to draw upon can always opt for the slightly smaller and less opulent model
.
A princely chamberpot indeed...
by Fiat Lux (4 out of 5 stars)
August 15, 2012
This toilet comes with a DVD featuring someone who looks exactly like Tom Hanks. "My name is Robert Langdon," he says, "And with the Herbeau Dagobert Toilet Throne Wooden 550101 you shall seek the truth," and points his index finger towards the toilet seat.
When I looked, I found the following words engraved into the wood:
"A Dagobert II Roi et a Sion est ce tresor et il est la Mort."
Now I translated this as "To Dagobert II, King, and to Sion belong this treasure and he is there dead."
Hmm this Dagobert King, whoever he was, must have felt pretty good to have owned this tun of treasure, although I guess it must have sucked to be Mort. But maybe not -- after all, you need a $11,000 toilet like you need a hole in the head.....
Behind the wooden edifice, I noticed a small sticker that said "Genuine Sacred Artifact Of The Knights Of The Priory Of Sion", and under that, in even smaller letters, "Made In China".
I called the manufacturer's 1-800 number to find out more but all I got was a recording that said in a monotonous voice "Shepherdess no temptation that Poussin and Teniers hold the key. Peace 681." When I said "Hello? Is anyone there?" the voice said "Blue apples," and hung up. Now I know that call centers have gotten progressively worse over the years, but this was downright strange.
My friend Sophie Neveu, who knows more about this stuff than I do, informs me that in order to decipher the meaning of these puzzling statements I need to travel to a place called Rennes-Le-Chateau. However, having spent $11,298.40 on this extraordinary water closet, I can no longer afford the plane fare to France.
C'est la vie.
Tyrion Lannister - Purchase for Peace
by samuel tyler (5 out of 5 stars)
July 23, 2014
Dear readers,
My name is Tyrion Lannister, and I write you with the humble hope that this throne can finally bring peace to this world, and end the bloodbath that has resulted from the battle for the Iron Throne.
Perhaps you don't understand; you see, this battle for the Iron Throne never really had much to do with power. It has little to do with entitlement or respect. There has simply been a profound shortage of adequate thrones and throne-makers living in this land for centuries now. All these kings really want is a respectful and dignified place to sit. Perhaps a built in candle-holder to put there candle. The Iron Throne is simply the only throne suitable for a king that remains in this land.
Until Now.
I *cough* firmly believe that Sir.Herbeau may be our one chance to end this war one and for all, by finally providing all the kings in this land a slab of hardwood suitable for the most royal of bums, bare or not. I personally have ordered and tested his product, and after weeks of what I can quite wholefully guarantee was a trying test of the plumbing, not one *cough* hole or *cough* crack has appeared in this marvellous product.
The DAGOBERT will make a victorious addition to any 16th century castle. At $12,000, you may wonder how this hero makes a profit. I only hope that news of this product, and Herbeau, its crafting expert, will spread across the land before it is to late.
Godspeed.
I'll keep this simple:
by Crayton Caswell (5 out of 5 stars)
September 4, 2012
There is no finer way to take a $H!T on this earth. I mean, just wow. My balls now have too much self-esteem, and the price has actually dropped! Holla!
S*** for a King
by Chad Garlinghouse (5 out of 5 stars)
June 14, 2013
Well I always used to hate going to the bathroom and having to go Number 2...I mean it is hard to feel important and awesome when you are pooping...am I right? Well my worries are now over! I now s*** like a king! Fantastic craftmanship makes this throne worthy of any dump you need to take. Kind of runny...no problem! Stinky...not a big deal! Ate super spicy burritos and asparagus and corn...Kingly! this chair/toilet will make all your movements royal!
Okay for the price
by Tyler L. Abbott (2 out of 5 stars)
June 19, 2011
Bought this a month ago and have to say I'm not 100% please. It's always cold when I go to sit on it, and the backing creaks. Tho, I guess for this price it's a steal and you get what you pay for.
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Details were last updated on Apr 21, 2024 06:39 +08.
