How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

Product Description

Over 200,000 copies in print!
A must-have guide for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.”

For nearly forty years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its respectful and effective solutions to the unending challenges of raising children. Now, in response to growing demand, Adele’s daughter, Joanna Faber, along with Julie King, tailor How to Talk’s powerful communication skills to parents of children ages two to seven.

Faber and King, each a parenting expert in her own right, share their wisdom accumulated over years of conducting How To Talk workshops with parents, teachers, and pediatricians. With a lively combination of storytelling, cartoons, and observations from their workshops, they provide concrete tools and tips that will transform your relationship with the children in your life.

What do you do with a little kid who…won’t brush her teeth…screams in his car seat…pinches the baby...refuses to eat vegetables…throws books in the library...runs rampant in the supermarket? Organized by common challenges and conflicts, this book is an essential manual of communication strategies, including a chapter that addresses the special needs of children with sensory processing and autism spectrum disorders.

This user-friendly guide will empower parents and caregivers of young children to forge rewarding, joyful relationships with terrible two-year-olds, truculent three-year-olds, ferocious four-year-olds, foolhardy five-year-olds, self-centered six-year-olds, and the occasional semi-civilized seven-year-old. And, it will help little kids grow into self-reliant big kids who are cooperative and connected to their parents, teachers, siblings, and peers.

Top Reviews

This book has done nothing less than change my relationship with my 5 year old!
by Rachel B. (5 out of 5 stars)
March 8, 2017

Ok, so I've been wanting to write a review for this book since I received it - when it first came out - but I can't find it in my house. I think that my child took it and is reading it so that he can learn all our tricks. Haha. My child doesn't actually read yet but I am lucky I did before it went missing because it has done no less than change my relationship with him.

How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what the authors are trying to explain. The real-life examples could easily have come from my family. For example, the child who wants something that fell into a crack in his car seat and it is inaccessible to him and to me, the driver. Joanna and Julie give great advice on how to respond to difficult situations with little kids that could easily cause a major meltdown.

For example, when the thing falls into the crack in the car seat and I can't reach it, in the past my child would start yelling and screaming and then move into a full-on tantrum. I always felt that I had two choices:
1: I could pull over and stop, get out of the car, open the door where his car seat is, and retrieve the thing. That would stop the tantrum before it starts, but it would teach him that he is welcome to have his way whenever he threatens me with a tantrum.

Or, 2: I could not get the thing, tell him to live with it for the 10 minutes (or whatever) until we get to where we are going. That response would surely invite crying escalating, into a full-on, inconsolable tantrum as the ride went on. I would have to listen to the screaming for the whole ride and then deal with it when we got to where we are going.

Julie and Joanna suggest a great third response: agree with my child that the thing is really important. Tell him that I wish I could reach the car seat to retrieve it. Then really get dramatic with it: talk about having a button on the dashboard that I could just push and a hundred of those things would magically appear! And then ask what we could do with a hundred of those things, until my child is so caught up in the fantasy that he has forgotten how much he wants the thing and we get to where we are going safe, sound, and happy. I've actually had to do this a number of times since reading the book. My child's response still amazes me every time!

It sounds like magic, but it's not. It is a way of listening to your child and validating his/her experience. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen gives lots of ideas, stories and examples of how to do this in any number of difficult situations. I do want to be clear, this isn't magic, and sometimes even the best skills don't produce sunny results. But more often than not, as a result of the skills I was able to pick up from this book, I can at least head off tantrums and other bad behavior before it starts, even if my child isn't all smiles.
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A Better Way To Respond = Great Behavior!!
by Carolilly Designs (5 out of 5 stars)
January 14, 2018

When my kids, now 26 and 23 years old, were younger, I read "how to talk so kids Will listen and listen so kids will talk".

Now I am a nanny of a toddler, 2 1/2 years old, and a baby, Nine months old. This book has helped me to avoid the frequent arguments, meltdowns, jealousy, and throwing incidents that constantly occur with the 2 1/2 yr old.

I was delighted when I learned that the authors are the daughters of the first book's authors!! They have done an incredible job!! A must have book for every Nanny, Mom, Dad, Grandma & Grandpa!!!
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Are you, too, living with a tiny terrorist?
by J. Shetrone (4 out of 5 stars)
May 16, 2018

I have a four year old, who was three when I read this book, and man, was it necessary. They tell you about the "terrible twos", but then they keep the biggest secret - THREE IS EVEN WORSE. Three year olds are tiny little terrorists, and I needed all the help I could get to negotiate my way through that year.

How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen gives you lots of simple techniques for communicating with your little kid, whether you're trying to get them to do something, get them not to do something, or just get along. It is full of real world examples that the authors have culled from the classes they've done throughout the years, which I found really helpful. It turns out, your kid probably isn't unique - there are plenty of others out there doing the same things they are doing. One thing I especially liked is that they summarize each chapter into bullet points at the end. Something you could easily print out and tape to your fridge for reference.

So if you too are living with a tiny terrorist, give this book a shot! All you parents out there are doing a good job.

Also, age four is SO MUCH BETTER.
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Good but not worth giving if you've already read the original
by Kimberly S (3 out of 5 stars)
June 4, 2018

This would be great if I hadn't already read the normal version. I feel like it's a waste to get this if you've already read how to talk so kids will listen.

I do like their approaches but I don't feel like this really helps a ton with parenting a small (under 3 years) toddler. Wish they had more examples of situations that you get into with a small toddler and how to handle them.
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Preschool Teacher Approved!
by Tonilyn (5 out of 5 stars)
December 28, 2017

I recieved this book only 2 days ago and I am already half way through it! I have to force myself to put it down so I can get a good nights sleep. I tried a technique from the book yesterday on a child who missed their parents and wouldn't stop crying...it worked! I usually sympathize with them, which leads no where. So I tried the imagination technique ("Wouldn't it be awesome if we could always be with our parents?! Oh, or what if they could come to school with us every day?!"). The child got excited and really did forget the sadness she felt.

I can't wait to get into the rest of this book. I feel like reading it a few times over to make sure this information sticks in my brain! I have read many boring text books about guiding young children, but few have immediately helped me like this book has.
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If you could only pick one parenting book, this should be it
by Karen S. (5 out of 5 stars)
June 25, 2017

I'm a Child Psychiatrist and this book is my #1 recommended book for parents of kids under 10. I personally used the original book with my kids (and my spouse, lol, really good communication strategies) and this one is even more refined and even more clearly laid out compared to the original which I thought couldn't be improved. Great book, thank you to the authors, you have improved the lives of so many families! Don't miss the one for teens.
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I honestly thought I would like this more...
by Baby's Mom (2 out of 5 stars)
April 19, 2019

After reading descriptions and reviews of this book, I thought I would love it. I prefer "gentle" parenting strategies. I oppose corporal punishment, yelling, humiliation, etc. But while I appreciated many of the strategies and examples in the book, I couldn't get behind its philosophy as a whole.

The Good:
1. Lots of creative ways and examples to engage with your young kids when they are misbehaving or when you need to talk to them about their feelings.

The Bad:
1. Soooo much talking. Talking talking talking. These are young kids. At some point during your oral thesis "Why We Don't Hit Our Sister," your child will stop listening and their eyes will roll back into their heads, or worse, they'll argue with you or have a tantrum. Is there a time and place for long talks about feelings? Of course. But it's not when your son has just smacked his sister.
2. On that note-I really tried to get behind the "no punishment" philosophy because I don't LIKE punishing my kids. I don't enjoy it. I hate it. But, using the previous example, if my child, who is old enough to know better, and has been told not to before, is violent-I'm going to be honest here-I have very little desire to coddle him with a "oh, are you feeling frustrated, honey?" conversation. There are some naturally well behaved children who will not require punishment and will feel bad just having upset someone. There are others who will take advantage and continue the behavior until action is taken. Children are not little adults. Psychologically speaking they don't yet have the ability to reason. They respond to consequences. I don't believe I'm going to scar my child for life with a few minutes of time out or having a toy taken away temporarily. I don't like overdoing these punishments and only do them for serious bad behavior. But they have their place.
3. The authors argue that acknowledging a child's feelings has great effect and sometimes that alone can ease a tantrum. I believe this to be true...sometimes. I think they overstate their case. I go back to what I said before-children are not little adults. As an adult I feel much better when someone acknowledges my feelings. I find this to be less effective with children, who have less ability to reason, practice empathy, and regulate their emotions. Often kids just want what they want and don't care about anything else. This isn't necessarily a bad thing-it's a normal developmental stage. But it makes some of the authors' strategies less helpful.
4. I really liked some of the authors' strategies. But they are time consuming and require constant spontaneous creativity and variety. It's a lot to ask.

There's a lot of good stuff in this book, but overall I think it expects too much of kids, and sometimes of their parents.
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Game Changer
by Cait (5 out of 5 stars)
September 10, 2018

I always thought I was a pretty good parent, and then, my kid became a threenager. Suddenly, he was talking back, ignoring instructions, and throwing tantrums the second he heard the word "no." This book has helped me approach his behavior in a way that not only redirects him in the moment, but also helps prevent it from happening in the future. (And it gave me some great ideas for what to do when all I want to do is yell!)
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Life altering!
by Sue Ross (5 out of 5 stars)
January 21, 2018

If you have a very difficult headstrong toddler get this book and follow the methods in it! They work ! My toddler is also easier going in general because of it. Our entire family is amazed at the difference in behavior!
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Works on my 2.5 y/o who doesn't even speak yet
by Fraggle (5 out of 5 stars)
October 23, 2018

After getting to page 26 I prevented 5 tantrums from happening over a couple of days time. The further I got into the book, the more I was able to get my child to listen and understand what I do/don't expect of him. My 2.5 year old is very far behind on his speech and using these methods and quotations within the book STILL work with him. This book has been life altering for our household.

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