Toddlers Are A-Holes

Product Description

At last, the book that answers the question on every parent’s mind: Why does my toddler hate me?
 
Okay, it’s not really hate. It’s just that a little psychopath who walks through life 100% convinced that he or she is the center of the universe does not care that you have a heart, a mind, or a soul. You are simply a skin-covered robot tall enough to reach the candy on top of the fridge. And clean up the rage-vomit when you make the fatal mistake of cutting off the crust on your toddler’s toast. (Or not cutting it off—seriously, you can’t win.)

Includes:

• The theory of toddler evolution 
• Mealtime (AKA Hell)
• Your unraveling life
• And how not to die inside 

Top Reviews

Surprisingly comforting!
by acrnyc (5 out of 5 stars)
June 6, 2018

I have a 3 year old and saw this book at a friend's house. Bought it immediately. I found it surprisingly helpful and it put my mind at ease about the constant internal voices - "Is it my fault she's being a jerk? Am I setting her up for a lifetime of being a psychopath?" Turns out it really is just a phase, and this book actually is helping me get through it. Highly recommend to any parent of toddlers! Going to buy for all of my parent friends.
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Funny and affirming, but no actual parenting tips
by Arianna A. (3 out of 5 stars)
September 14, 2018

I had high hopes - this book was recommended to me. It was really funny. The opening chapter had me laughing out loud.

However, there were zero actual strategies for dealing with toddlers -- how to discipline them in a loving way, how to redirect them, what they understand developmentally etc.. Super disappointing, and felt like I wasted my time.
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Pretty funny. Plus it irritates my wife's obnoxious "crunchy" ...
by Ben (5 out of 5 stars)
August 26, 2016

Pretty funny. Plus it irritates my wife's obnoxious "crunchy" friends. That's actually what they call themselves, like it's cool or something. Buy two and upset an essential oil peddling mom today. Namaste.
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worth every penny!!
by Breana (5 out of 5 stars)
February 4, 2017

Seriously cannot stop laughing. BEST BOOK EVER!!
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Feeling like a failure on raising a toddler? Buy this book! It's LOL FUNNY
by bri (5 out of 5 stars)
August 3, 2018

My son just recently turned two and has the terrible two attitude down to an art. I was feeling so overwhelmed with his recent bad behavior (unless you call being hit in the face with a train a 'good time') when my mother inlaw mentioned this book. I'm not a reader.. mainly bc I can never find anything that will keep my attention long enough. THIS BOOK, I couldn't put it down! I was LOL through the entire book. It was SO relatable and i loved all the vulgarity and sarcasm! It made me feel so much better about trying to raise my terrible little two year old. A must read for moms who are just trying to make it through the day without losing their sh*t! It's a short book, and easy to finish during a nap time or two. I passed it along to my mother inlaw and she's enjoying it as much as I did.
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So funny!
by c4TXangel (5 out of 5 stars)
June 8, 2018

BAWhahahahahaha! This book provides the comic relief needed after a long day with a terrible two! A little vulgar, but expected given the title.

My husband walked in from putting our toddler to bed and found me laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. We sit and laugh at the scenarios because we have lived through most of it.

It's a perfect gift for a parent who has survived the first two years of baby life, heading into toddlerhood.
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Not funny
by GWBasic (2 out of 5 stars)
April 21, 2018

Does the author even love her children? The jokes in this book are crude and not funny at all. My toddler has some trying moments, but this author comes across as someone who should have remained celibate.
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You'll love your toddler more knowing you're not alone in your pain
by Kyri (5 out of 5 stars)
September 15, 2018

If you want to pull your hair out over your toddler's antics then this is the book for you. The laughter helps you cope with the feelings of frustration and discouragement. I bought it for a friend who has a compliant toddler and it wasn't as fun for her. But if your typical toddler has you wondering what happened to your life then get this book to release some of the pressure!
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Vulgar, lots of cussing with no attempt at actual advice or creativity.
by M. Bergfeldt (1 out of 5 stars)
September 20, 2018

It's just a lot of foul language (all words), used over and over again. If obscene humor is your thing, go ahead and buy it, you may like it. But do not expect that the author offers anything to help your situation. My wife and I both put the book down after a few chapters. Take away the vulgarity and this book is EMPTY. Creative title though, they sold a lot books because of it.
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If you catch a squirrel, we will go get ice cream! (Said so I could read this book in my yard)
by Mia Walters (5 out of 5 stars)
October 23, 2014

Stay at home mom here. The only reason I didn't write a review sooner was because I had this book in my face. (I was able to read it by sitting outside and telling my son we would get ice cream if he could catch a squirrel.) Speaking of face, toddlerhood slapped us in the face way before I expected it. 15 months. I started off as one of THOSE moms. Crunchy granola no tv or electronics organic gluten free "not my sweet angel" moms. Now my toddler is a little S$#% half the time (remember, we aren't full blown toddler yet.) We have literally worn out one DVD of Frozen and my husband was told not to bother coming home from work without a new one. As I write this, I stink. Like really stink. I can't recall my last shower. My kid sits on my lap while I poop and my house is covered with a white film, being a combo of yogurt and lotion, which are interchangeable to him. My meals consists of whatever he didn't eat, which is often enough that I know I will at least get one hot rejected meal a day. And I secretly despise my mother just a little bit for being smug that my son is always the perfect angel at her house. (Not that he's not a sweetheart at mine, but it's a delicate walk that can change in a split second). This book is funny as hell. If you have a toddler, this book is hilarious. I came close to peeing my pants. (If you are a new mom, you probably will pee your pants. Totally normal.) Because it's so true. Every sentence. If you are or have a first time pregnant friend, this should be purchased for a glimpse into the future and a fantastic non stop laugh.

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