Yeah, yeah, I know most cars have air conditioning now. The 2-headed car fan isn't meant to be a substitute for AC, but an accessory to it. An extra set of blades that will help blow hot air out of your parked car fast...

Freshly shredded, vitamin C-packed cabbage. Potassium-rich, low-carb zucchini noodles. Byoootiful seasonal ribbons of persimmon to go alongside your glazed duck breast. And...mmmmm...triple fried curly fries....

Even though the name is cheesy, there's really no better way to describe these 8-in-1 multi-carts than Rock'n'Roller. Whether you're moving luggage, sound equipment, a new refrigerator, or all of your personal belongings...

Yep, in case you're wondering, there's a VFAN Sr. too. And both of them are blow hards. Like father, like son....

If you're too mature to display BioPop's Dino Pet on your desk...or just frustrated that your kids keep stealing it...here's a more sophisticated objet d'art containing the same glowing blue dinoflagellates. If you haven't...

This Cob Corn Stripper (not to be confused with a lady in a cornfield on a Hitch 'Er Up Stripper Pole) better work damn good, and without making a mess, because despite my rant last week about breaking up ground beef...

Lock, stock, and a smoking barrel. I'm all in. This rotating six shooter pipe comes with both an herb grinder and a pollen and storage can. You can keep it on display in your recreational activity room and use it to smoke...

At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...

This is all of course presuming you get to keep your wallet after you've been taken hostage. And that you can maneuver your cuffed, roped, or zip-tied hands inside it to grab Readyman's credit card of escape tools. Oh...