How is it that I haven't seen every dude in my office walking around with their ID tag hanging off a bacon lanyard yet? This strip of polyester cured pork fat will make every mouth in the meeting water, and I'd probably...

It's Tesla, squared. And marbleized. Like the originals, Dual Arc Tesla Coil Lighters trade in butane for USB-rechargeable electricity, and ignite cigs, candles, and kindling with the flameless and windproof technology...

Hear that, vehicles, kids zoned out in headphones, and grandmas too preoccupied with your walkers to take heed of my Swagcycle coming up hot behind you? It's 120dB of honking coming from my electric bike horn. Yep, the...

Uh, a printed 4 x 6 selfie on the fridge where only me and my 3 friends who come over will be able to see it, rather than a digital selfie posted to Instagram where all 976 of my "friends" - plus maybe millions of other...

Who'd-a thought Darth Vader could grind? It looks like the Dark Lord has added pulverizing your favorite herbs and spices with an Exorcist-caliber 360-degree spin of his head to existing his repertoire of menacing, saber...

Normally I'd vote quality over quantity, but seeing as here I can get four probably kinda crappy iridescent rainbow pocket knives for the price of, like, half of one really good black or gray one, I'm gonna go ahead and...

Oh (face) no, the rooster's crowing (buzzing) already?! Come (yes, please) on! Do I really have to get up (off)? I hear you, ladies. It's a brutal world of mornings, alarms, and orgasms we live in. I'll keep my fingers...

Pull his metal wiener and this bear will forget he's supposed to be a "gentleman" and scream to the tune of 130 decibels. In the process, he'll try to help your wife, your lady friend, your mama, or your kiddo draw the...

They say Ruggie is "LOUD." In all caps. It's the equivalent of "a blender going off in your bedroom." Also, the floor mat alarm clock must sense the pressure of your feet for at least 3 seconds before it stops its LOUD...